jueves, 12 de enero de 2017

Hoy Soy Donald Trump

Me han elegido para ser el personaje que arranque la nueva etapa de este blog que languideció hace un par de años, fruto del agotamiento creativo de su responsable, un mediocre periodista que ocupaba sus ratos de ocio en escribir sobre cualquier personaje con cierto interés mediático.
Supongo que tener nombre de pato y de cadena de hamburguesas ha sido el detonante. ¿O hay más? Vamos por partes...
Ante una presidencia que se antoja movida, os propongo algo (pero que quede entre nosotros, por favor):  que me hagáis un complot. Sí, como lo oís: un  complot germinado desde la ciudadanía de todos los países del mundo, al estilo de la famosa Primavera Árabe, y apoyado por la imparable fuerza de las redes sociales. Un complot que lleve a cualquier habitante de cualquier nación del planeta a no calzar Nike ni beber Coca Cola. A no comer Whoppers ni conducir Chevrolet. A no poner gasolina Exxon ni ver películas de Disney. A no ir a los conciertos de Justin Biber ni lavarse los dientes con Colgate. A no usar Pato WC cuando haya que quitar la mierda del wáter ni a comer chicles Orbit. A no visitar EuroDisney (os juro que Port Aventura le da mil vueltas) ni ver la tele en una Panasonic. Hablo de que nos convenzáis, por mucho que yo me niegue a admitirlo, de que no somos una potencia imperialista que está por encima del bien y del mal. Hablo de que logréis bajarnos los humos entre todos los habitantes del globo. Hablo de solidaridad, ese vocablo que desconozco. Hablo de tantas cosas... Porque si no lo hacéis, queridos mamarrachos, voy a convertir este mundo en el infierno. Y tengo cuatro putos años con sus días y sus noches para conseguirlo. Moved ficha pronto o estáis muertos.

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